Thoughts

I woke up the other morning and realized that I am a very average person.  I have no drama in my life beyond the daily spilled milk and dirty laundry.  It's not that I want big drama, just that I don't have anything in my life that could create it.  Neither do I have passions, that I act on.  I like to fiddle with little improvisations of products in my head, I like music, I like to draw and paint, but I am not passionate about any of those things.  I also had the realization that I don't really know what I completely value--what I couldn't live without.  Of course I love my husband and kids to pieces, but am I passionate about them?  If they were endangered I would be, but I certainly don't spend the time with them that tells them that I love them beyond anything else in my life.   I don't spend time in my scriptures or helping people out or exersizing or going to the temple as I could.  I spend a lot of time picking up my house, or yelling at my kids to do so, blog stalking, playing computer games, eating and talking to my husband.  So I guess there you have it, my priorities: computer games, housework, eating, surfing the net and Jamie; although not necessarily in that order.

What should I value?  As I thought this over I made another important discovery--the most important things in this life all boil down to two things: my relationship with God/Christ, and my relationships with others.  Of course Christ already addressed this in his sermon to a lawyer in Matthew 22, 

 

 37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt ^alove the Lord thy God with all thy ^bheart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy ^cmind.

  38 This is the first and great ^acommandment.  

39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt ^alove thy neighbour as thyself.

  40 On these two commandments hang all the ^alaw and the prophets.

That is what life is all about.  There is nothing else, really.  God wants me to be happy.  If I do what He asks I will be happy, so there is no need for the selfish pleasures that are touted by almost every company on the planet.  When all is said and done, the house being clean doesn't matter, the hours on the net will only feel like wasted time and what I have left is an empty shell of a life that is not full of love or passion.  The only thing I really can take with me is my family and the relationships I form here on this earth.  It doesn't matter if I can speak four languages or write beautifully if I don't talk to people or write truth.

So how do I have a passion-filled life?  The only thing that I have really solidified is that mediocrity is not enough.  I cannot hope to skate through life on a wing and unsaid prayers.  If I really want a good relationship with God I have been given the formula over and over of what to do: fervently pray, study my scriptures, go to church, serve, and go to the temple.  If I want to know someone I have to spend time with them.  I want to know God therefore I have to put the time and effort into developing a relationship, just like with any of my friends.  It's so simple!

In order to have a good relationship with my kids, again, I have to spend time with them.  I have to talk to them, listen to them, do things with them.  They don't always have to be learning something about working or responsibility.  Sometimes they just need time to play with Mom so they know I love them.  

I think that is what I need to do.  Everyday I need to spend time with the 5 people in my life who I want the best relationship with: God, Jamie and each one of the kids.  I think I will see a change in my attitude towards each of them as well as a more passion-filled life.